So That You'll Understand

So That You'll Understand

So that you'll understand
I never conceived an evil master plan
To break each other bruised and fractured bone
To throw ourselves out of love, in isolation so alone
You will never know how much you meant
You couldn't see in all the time we spent
There was always a problem, an issue to see in eye's view
We used our words like bulging fists escalating in hate
Acting as if there was nothing to lose
A wall of distance and resentment seemed like our only fate
You hated that you loved me
I hated at how you injected so much misery
I chased after you as you ran away so many times
That I chose betrayal over patience as I crossed unforgivable lines
I am addicted to emotional connection of close intimacy
Even though I was allowed in, looked down upon with much pity
I was a lost little boy at your first glance
You touched my skin and my soul and showed me how to dance
Move away from the shy nervousness to confidence as a man
You accuse my ego of imploding my sensibility  
My narcissism has breached our decaying love in psychotic insanity
But my anger lashing onto you is my only defense
Over time you have showed too much disrespect in anxious suspense
All your harsh words onto me and yourself has made you into
A monster so cruel, hideous and repressed only capable of abuse
I had to hide in every dark place that I could find
Consume myself in the drugs, the drinking, the self loathsome substance of my mind
But this is not a failure, a regret
We should not deny, lie or forget
Once we were everything to each other
So bonded in mind, body and soul never to think of another
But it was not an everlasting true love journey for us to make
It was to take us through the loneliness pain of struggle
As we learned the things love has no use or time to live in a dream
Feeling tied up and useless not being able to hear each other through a restrained muzzle
Amputating a lost touch as we watch with teary eyes as our broken bond flows from us in a stream
Letting go and feeling free of post heartbreak obligations, now you can understand
I did everything within my energy that I could, for all I am just a man....

~george ray