break you....

break you

This isn't an attempt to plead
Only to watch you bleed
I saw you fall on your own words
That were once convincing
But contradict the truths surrounding you
The other words of cold black tongue
You spoke to weaker ones
Prey on others as I limp in your trap
It was all set in play at first sight
First touch
First kiss
First time I fucked deep inside you
But I was only fucking myself
Penetrating a dream, a deluded fantasy
Turned into screams holding onto survival
Surviving the self doubt
Only became more doubtful
As you tread so beneath me
Beneath the surface of my smile
Reflected yours perceived such denial
I walked away
Fled from your calls for many nights and many days
But you kept searching for me deeper
Until I gave into the sparkling shimmer
Cast out of my hermit ways
Only to give, to show you everything
Until you were threw with your game
Now I am in shackles of my own depression
Regression into the mind set of this negative surface
Hide myself under blankets, blackness is all I want to see
I can see movements and color in the shadows
Creeping into my mind, slithering like the reptilian coward you are
As you find comfort in another coward
Like a jewish girl giving into the aryan nation
You have no true loyalty, no cause, no righteousness for justification
You only justify your lies
And silence all those many cries
To hurt the innocents like you were once a victim
Lashing out a punishment for something you can never reclaim
A lost love, a lost hope that has slipped away
You see yourself looking over everyone
Looking down on the ones you have plagued with your deceitful disease
But I am reaching up, getting taller
I will look down on you and tower
Corner you and the coward you hide into
Bash his skull and slit your throat
Give you something to smile about
Break free from the emotional contusions
Battered invisible scars I will always carry around
There will be the day where I will fit you into this noose
Destroy everything and everyone around
There will come a day where I will break you....

~george ray

Heart is a Time Bomb

Heart is a Time Bomb

My heart is a time bomb

Ticking closer and closer while the blood flows through the veins 

As she walks closer and closer

Scratching her nails deep into my skin

Swimming inside my vulnerability, she has obtained

It beats faster and faster 

As I lay down, tied and tangled in an emotional disaster

The only way to express my feelings is to scream them out loud

The ticking comes down faster in reaching of self-doubt 

I breathe faster within seconds upon seconds 

Anxiety is the trigger that comes closer to the detonation of fear 

Her words still linger 

I don't want to believe

As she softly moves her fingers

The time and ticking stops and freezes 

I am defenseless to the affections

But I've created this fantasy in mind

When I realize that a touch is a touch

A kiss is a kiss

Not a promise nor a commitment

As I am wrong to make these wishes 

It's just to pass the time when no one else is around 

She says it won't mean anything

But it is cute that it means something to me

I am still just a foolish boy

Playing the make believe games of falling in love 

No use in praying in heavens above

Because if she won't listen, no higher spiritual forces can intervene

Only foolish perception is the reason deceived

As she speaks the truth with her eyes

That kept me hypnotized 

In this romantic spell

Turned into this discomfort hell

The heart beats faster

The blood is popping as my veins become overwhelmed 

The ticking time bomb continues to count down

Until I explode and my words scream out loud 

It is the death of an idealistic romantic fantasy

One they say does not exist 

As I lay lifeless in the same bed 

That was shared in the ecstasy

Of passionate bliss

~george ray     

 

 

let sunshine burn off the worries of your world....

let sunshine burn off the worries of your world....

Sometimes you feel your feet on wet sand
The salt water sea pulls you beneath
With all it's cruel manipulations
And misguided intentions
But the ocean is a beautiful thing
It divides but then surfaces back to land
Lovers lost away ashore
Always find a way to reunite again
If only for a moment
If only in a dream
They can enter in any intimacy
Just for an instant
Until past recalls
Into the same circle
Back into water
Swimming amputated
Going in any direction
That isn't forward
If you can't break through together
You can swim through the current alone
Because each wave changes
Every motion creates a new
A different way to be
A person you can let out
Everything that you were afraid to show in doubt
Let sunshine burn off the worries of your world
As you float in the blue ocean
Under a blanket of euphoric light

~george ray

learning....

learning

I am learning how to take in everything
I am learning how to manage the things I cannot change
I am learning to take a step back to what does not work and rearrange
The things in my life that can achieve pure happiness
I am learning to follow my bliss
No matter the outcome I must follow through
Because what holds importance within me
Does not matter to you
I am learning people lie to themselves to believe in true love
That it's something that just happens
Something you cannot control
Some reject it's presence with strong resistance
While others bring it in and thank the fates from above
I am learning to be patient
I am learning self restraint
I know my dreams will have a time to live within my life
But I must overcome and not dwell on my inner turmoil strife
With extreme darkness comes a light
You have to balance the two or nothing will be right
There will be trials to face in this waking sunset
There will be times to lose yourself in the fall of night
And the jury and judgements of those around you will always take place
But there will be those with everlasting love and support
Helping to separate yourself from the toxic influences from your soul
I am learning how to be beautiful
I am learning how to forgive
I know that I will always survive in my own way
I am learning how to finally live

~george ray

washed away

washed away

washed away
washed away on the imploding sadness
turning into stars of a lost universe
glowing and withering and dying with no one to see them in their beautiful glory
burning the pages of my unwritten story
I want you to know me
I have so much to give in love
to lay in your comfort
is all I want every night
instead of this night
and every night before
I am rotting away on the inside
like a corpse sustained in isolation
care for me and cradle me gently
and I am forever yours
I will rub your feet every night
every time we are together I will show you how much
my love is derived in endless constellations
thousands of equations could not equal the massive amount
of how much happiness we can create within
together is a concept I still believe in
one cannot reach the highest stars alone
it takes companionship to build
a foundation in a loving home
so reach out and take me
I am free for the taking
cannot breathe without your oxygen
is it too late or am I doomed
to be washed away in the far reaches of space
forever drifting and suffocated
without a compass or a map I will just whither away

~george ray

I Just Want to be Loved...

I Just Want to be Loved

I see it in distance
I feel it's calming comforting presence
But there is nothing there
When I open my eyes
And I have a lack of surprise
But only once when I feel something so strong
I want to find it wrapped in my arms
To never bleed and to always linger
To hold my hand and face the danger
Of all the struggles this earth draws upon
If we can feel so high within a love
Nothing will stand in our way or break us apart
But I wake up on the floor
Crying in a cold sweat, tears surround my naked body
Awakening with no one with me
No voice to be heard
Except the screams and cries in my head
Why is it that when I feel so close
This amputation is executed upon me
How do I draw a line of self-acceptance
To feel love within myself
So that she can cross and let herself in
I am praying
I am speaking
I am dreaming
And I am asking
Please come to me once and for all
My sweet sweet release of a broken heart
Wounded and mended and recovering in your soft hands
Your sweet words in my ears will bring me to my feet again
And we can bask in a glow of sunshine
We can swim in the waters that will try to divide
But you will wrap around me so tightly
We can flow freely
In different cued scenes hopeful progressions and perfect melody
If only I can withstand this waiting
Because all I ever wanted was just to be loved
To let someone inside the walls that will break down
Fully exposed and vulnerable
Gently touching my face in sweet assurance
To finally find the peace I sought in determent

~george ray

some days....some nights

some days....some nights

some days I wish I could call you on the phone
some days I wish I could still call you my lover
some days shouldn't feel so alone
some days wish for the one day I could place that ring on your finger and forever
we could never be apart
never cry another sorrow tear
never have to lose you again another year
never have spoken words in anger so unclear
but those days are over and gone
and we never sang our swan song
it just ended rapidly and randomly
like a heart stopped it's pulse
you were torn from my universe
and I have lifted myself so together
only too crash into the pavement when I remember your face
your name
your energy
your soft touch
your sweet little kisses
as you held me so tenderly
always telling me things were going to be alright
holding my hope on for so many nights
but that hope has withered and died
I know what I said and did to hurt you
but without this poetic expression I could never really tell you
all the things that have happened and all the pain of us I have carried for both of us
for 4 years
4,000 tears
and no real awakening
from the everlasting nightmare that is without you
but the dream with you just existed in peaceful slumber
but the reality struck in thunder
electrocuting so much sadness and fear
I wished we could get passed the differences
I wish we could find some common ground
I wish we never wasted this time being so bitter
resentment has turned me into a bitter old man
watching children pass by on sidewalk
sitting on the porch
drinking and killing myself little by little
each and every day
I wish I could try to reach you
Wish we could just make peace
Even in closure
I wouldn't be in endless relentless torture
Some nights are filled with isolation
Some nights can never be relived
What actions and choices we made is burned into memory
Burned into a photograph
A song which has no words to sing

~george ray

lipstick on a pig

lipstick on a pig

You can put your dress on
Distract the masses view on all your physical inconsistencies
Be on a happy high for just one night
You can get him drunk
And deep inside for one moment
But the spell past midnight
Won't last all throughout the morning
Let this be your warning
When your makeup washes out
With your visible tears
Forming as emotional clouds
He sees through your pathetic facade
That you can cover up
All the monstrous forms
But glamour only exists in a photograph
A quick flash with the bright non color lights
You want only to exist in that one second
To forever be in everlasting denial bliss
But when the scene fades
From the Saturday night
Every wrong choice you make
Feels so right
But you can't cut out the ugliness
Even when you cut your veins
Blame it on your ex boyfriend
Distilling yourself in the mundane
Even if you can look and feel as something new
You'll always be the same
That sad little girl
In suburban nagging wife training
Because you can put lipstick on a pig
While your emotions cripple up inside
Draining down a bleeding heart
While maintaining your life in overbearing stubborn pride

~george ray

Throwaway Fuck

Throwaway Fuck

(Dedicated to Phoebe. I hope you enjoyed our time together, however short, as much as I did.)

You crept into my darkness
Through a glowing screen
I reached out to so many
When you came it seemed like a dream
You were as soft as milk
We swim in our bones of desire
When you broke me down
With your sweet little empty things
My thoughts were leading into hallucinations
We could not take residence with queens and kings
You opened the gates
Smiling as you signaled the go ahead
Only to slam with no resistance
As I fell face down from my feet
I was proceeding with caution
Healing from stabbed emotional wounds
You said not to worry
That you meant no harm
You said you used to use boys
Parading with your sexual misdirections
But that you wanted more
And I led myself on disingenuously
Surrounded in an distorted misrepresented romance
Your color changed too swiftly
Like a chameleon it was hard to see
What hue and shade you existed in
Your voice was calming
My heartfelt gestures were foolish proceeding
I tried to reach into your signal
But you were always unreceptive
I cannot reach out to a closed off affection
Once filled a spark of life, now an abortion
Of a potential connection
A wandering love that never will be grasped
Myself and so many others were hypnotized by your almond eyes
Then with a sudden movement turned to stone and collapsed
You can't help it if you're just another fucked up girl
Looking for her own peace of mind
But not for a man so genuine willing to give himself up
To join wrapped around in an eternal sunshine
It wasn't passion
Just a drunken compulsion
I layered myself deep inside you
Only to be tossed aside
As another throwaway fuck....

~george ray

(Sorry for the slack tide my beautiful watchful eyes. The bees have been buzzing creativity constant in my hive. More to come soon.)

inside the walls....part 1

inside the walls part 1

I feel cold and see dark around me

I don't have any means for sympathy

There is nothing more to feel 

But regret of an aborted reject 

I am tired of faking emotions

To people who are no longer real 

They just smile and greet in fake kindness

I drifted from them, out to sea, many lives ago 

Only to be bewildered by their presence once a year

One day

Following a script of words we said 

The nostalgia feelings still linger

Echo in the memory 

But things become rearranged 

Contrived into absurd fantasy 

I cannot have the normal life 

The success and character of good deeds 

I come back into the reality strife 

One where everyone leaves

They float back and resurface

But I keep them out 

Residing inside these walls 

Everything surrounds in silence as I scream out loud 

~george ray

Parting gift....

Parting gift

Here is my parting gift
Placed in decapitated arms that once
Wrapped around you like a necklace
Sitting outside the door
You said was forever closed
Only to reopen and attack so willingly
You cannot decide where you're going
Cannot escape your love without hate
So you leave yourself to never knowing
Keeping me in the middle to procrastinate
You scold me like a monster, like a beast
A grotesque disgusting figure
Burn me in your flames of regret and mistake
Yelling your voice of censor
Tear me down in your insecure perception
Persecute me with your judgements
I only knew you in chaotic isolation
Committed suicide with us, falling in pavement
So you cut yourself with scissors
Corner yourself with so many ruthless predators
I will never be there to save you
With the absence of over privileged friends
There is nothing more to do
You will never feel my skin
My breath or my touch again
The one you always begged to feel
The tongue that made your pleasure
It is long gone
Your ghost is dead
I have no more words to speak to you
May you always have this parting gift....

~george ray

Hole Heart

Hole Heart 

There's a hole in my heart

A hole that you shot 

With neglectful distance 

And no real reasoning 

If I lose you is nonsense

How can I stop from happening

Depart in silence

Brings on a mental violence

Of self unassured paranoid doubt 

Crying out to you in a voice that is not loud 

Why are we connected in one moment 

Only to be amputated in isolation

Am I in rational thought

Or emotionally impaired 

Your voice is shriveled and unheard

And I don't even remember the last word

As you embraced me in your arms 

Kissing so sweet and tenderly 

I never thought what was the harm 

On falling in love with absolute insanity

~george ray

So That You'll Understand

So That You'll Understand

So that you'll understand
I never conceived an evil master plan
To break each other bruised and fractured bone
To throw ourselves out of love, in isolation so alone
You will never know how much you meant
You couldn't see in all the time we spent
There was always a problem, an issue to see in eye's view
We used our words like bulging fists escalating in hate
Acting as if there was nothing to lose
A wall of distance and resentment seemed like our only fate
You hated that you loved me
I hated at how you injected so much misery
I chased after you as you ran away so many times
That I chose betrayal over patience as I crossed unforgivable lines
I am addicted to emotional connection of close intimacy
Even though I was allowed in, looked down upon with much pity
I was a lost little boy at your first glance
You touched my skin and my soul and showed me how to dance
Move away from the shy nervousness to confidence as a man
You accuse my ego of imploding my sensibility  
My narcissism has breached our decaying love in psychotic insanity
But my anger lashing onto you is my only defense
Over time you have showed too much disrespect in anxious suspense
All your harsh words onto me and yourself has made you into
A monster so cruel, hideous and repressed only capable of abuse
I had to hide in every dark place that I could find
Consume myself in the drugs, the drinking, the self loathsome substance of my mind
But this is not a failure, a regret
We should not deny, lie or forget
Once we were everything to each other
So bonded in mind, body and soul never to think of another
But it was not an everlasting true love journey for us to make
It was to take us through the loneliness pain of struggle
As we learned the things love has no use or time to live in a dream
Feeling tied up and useless not being able to hear each other through a restrained muzzle
Amputating a lost touch as we watch with teary eyes as our broken bond flows from us in a stream
Letting go and feeling free of post heartbreak obligations, now you can understand
I did everything within my energy that I could, for all I am just a man....

~george ray
 

Happy Birthday VVO

Happy Birthday VVO

All my life I wanted a love who would stay
Not question nor haste
Have true intentions and lay
By my side and never let time waste
But you have lifted me up
With your falsetto smile
Only to drop the strings you cut
As I existed in my loving denial
You stole what you took
A heart that internally bleeds
Yours was a thieving love, a cowardly crook
 Promises of bonding was merely a twisted fantasy
In your 24th year you've only gotten better in your manipulation
Overtaking my fears with sweet nothings in your voice
As I created a version of you in my imagination
Your true colors use and abuse me that you decided in your choice
Valerie came to me only to say goodbye
As our truths and fears surfaced through the tears in both our eyes
You let me in your emotional door
Only to travel distance from our connection
I held any relic I had, always wanting more
As you held back left me in the rain drowning my feelings in rejection
But now what is done is done
There is nothing left to say
At time we had our fun
Now I leave this post parting gift to you
Happy Birthday!

~george ray