some days....some nights

some days....some nights

some days I wish I could call you on the phone
some days I wish I could still call you my lover
some days shouldn't feel so alone
some days wish for the one day I could place that ring on your finger and forever
we could never be apart
never cry another sorrow tear
never have to lose you again another year
never have spoken words in anger so unclear
but those days are over and gone
and we never sang our swan song
it just ended rapidly and randomly
like a heart stopped it's pulse
you were torn from my universe
and I have lifted myself so together
only too crash into the pavement when I remember your face
your name
your energy
your soft touch
your sweet little kisses
as you held me so tenderly
always telling me things were going to be alright
holding my hope on for so many nights
but that hope has withered and died
I know what I said and did to hurt you
but without this poetic expression I could never really tell you
all the things that have happened and all the pain of us I have carried for both of us
for 4 years
4,000 tears
and no real awakening
from the everlasting nightmare that is without you
but the dream with you just existed in peaceful slumber
but the reality struck in thunder
electrocuting so much sadness and fear
I wished we could get passed the differences
I wish we could find some common ground
I wish we never wasted this time being so bitter
resentment has turned me into a bitter old man
watching children pass by on sidewalk
sitting on the porch
drinking and killing myself little by little
each and every day
I wish I could try to reach you
Wish we could just make peace
Even in closure
I wouldn't be in endless relentless torture
Some nights are filled with isolation
Some nights can never be relived
What actions and choices we made is burned into memory
Burned into a photograph
A song which has no words to sing

~george ray