The Beauty in our Disfigured Intentions....

The Beauty in our Disfigured Intentions....

Your indecision to bring me a closing word
Is strangling in my consciousness
Bringing me to a confusion I can't explain
How much enduring will I have to put myself through
Just for a moment of peace and clear positive perception
Every time I think I have overcome and start a new
Your ghost creeps into my head hauntingly, speaking in tongues of deception
I was ignorant for feeling something in you
When there was nothing there to feel for
An empty doorway down a hall that walks endless
Only gets darker and darker and more vague in so many dead colored hues
In the beginning we will say anything
To find a beauty to blind us to our disfigured intentions
We want to create the perfect kind of love that we can only see
But with different visions in the same entity
It will always divide and try so hard to survive
Hoping that no matter how bitter there is a sweeter taste
While we drink endless bottles of wine
Our true voices spit out from our violent tongues
Knowing there is no more use of time that is wasting
The hourglass that ages finds our youth is slipping
Rotting away like a diseased apple bitterly tasting
As the worms in our wounds slither through endlessly
Resurfacing grudges and mistakes we cannot stop hearing
So as we silence our ears and the words we speak
We feel we have moved passed ourselves without lingering
Only until the loneliness runs through our bodies, spirits and minds
Then belief is surfaced that we must always intertwine
With brief intermissions of resentment
We must forget each other to fall back in
To the ditch we have dug in our bereavement
As we fall backwards side by side
With no one to catch us as we fall into our grave.

~george ray

The Rituals of Age

The Rituals of Age

The minutes inflict needle spikes into our veins
Flowing through the blood of our time
With the ones who shift in and out of our sight
Gather around putting you in center light
For one day or one night
Pouring out all the warmth to let you know you are here
In moments and remembered in the passing disposable years
Further descending into the sea of oblivion
Small waxed candles surround the most dextrose confections
With the wax tears dripping down as they burn
Mourning another year of age in eternal loss
Bewildered that we must live in moments that force our growth
Moments that can bring excessive joy and involuntary pain
Another ignorance lost and another wisdom gained
But with the loss of ignorance is a loss of innocence
Further departing from bliss in the dancing of non-sense
A desperate will to hang onto a moment in time
A constant nostalgic struggle of gloom hanging over our thoughts
Restless to take a step into this moment within ourselves
The rituals remain throughout the stretches of time
Faces change, putting on new masks
The light of transparency shines through
We see in our hearts we will always be the same
Our bodies age and fade out into dirt and fire
Our childlike innocence echoed through smoke of our vulnerability
Surpassing the wrinkles in our veins
The brutal lashes that self inflict
The relics that weigh us down from antiquity
Dragging them from our shoulders into restoration
Rising from the journey into the gathering
Standing in the center as a monument
Glorified in all you have experienced
With smiles all around you
Chants echoed throughout the age of your mind....

~george ray

fighting against feeling....

fighting against feeling

I need to fight against feeling
Struggled deep into nightmarish dreaming
Crawling under fear of desire
Has left me in a web of my own confusion
I want to be with her
But I cannot live up to the idea of her in my own head
Everyone I love I know I can never be worthy
It is only the ones that I despise with the hurt that disposes on me
So I clash and I thrash and I scar mirroring my own onto everyone
Stomping and trampling everyone I walk by
Until the past voices can be silenced
Because they are written in words in a script tattooed all around in my mind
As I travel in time from day unto night
Agonizing weeks of the months where everything changes outside
But have always remained myself from within
I see a smile, a gentle laugh from a pretty face
But it is alluring me into a trap
Where I build up expectation
In visions of false prophecies of a life I can never grasp
It is all a joke in this life that I will be fooled again and again
I am their jester, a dunce to put on display
To see how gullible the ways that I am manipulated
Anxiously anticipating if only one drop sinking through my tear duct
So they know they have pulled another one on me
Happening again and again constantly
So I go under the depths of my heart and my emotions
I am fighting against the feelings
That takes me to nightmarish dreaming
If only to wait for one who won't be fooling
To show me that love and kindness still resides in hearts so loving.

~george ray

Your photographic smile tattooed on my heart so it will always bleed for you....

Your photographic smile tattooed on my heart so it will always bleed for you....

(for the only girl who truly had me)

It was almost 5 years ago
But when I look at it I know I had been just there
Watching you pack away on many journey's I could not take
Could not follow, could not watch you drive away for my heart would soon break
Each time you went away it got easier to cope
To feel hope of reuniting with your soft hands
Clammy they were, your sweat soothed my body eclipsing all my haunting emotional dwelling
Looking at you in a black poke-doted dress
Each dot filling sun spots in my eyes, making me dizzy and oriented looking at the way you move
Smiling and hypnotizing me with your bright brown eyes firing through your glass frames
You were my dream, my reality, and my nightmare
Your hair wrapped and hauntingly tangled
Was so perfectly shaped with every layer that captivates me
From the nights we danced
To the days we dazed off into psychedelic oblivion
We wished those moments could last forever
If time only could stand still
From all the times you went away
Now you have gone away for good
I let you go and you let me know
How you've fallen out of feeling anything for me
But I am happy you have found peace and grace
Something that I never gave
For I am at peace with closer of what we made
Our imaginary invisible children Jack and Adelaide
Will always run through our imaginary house surrounded by picket fence
Where we could be free to be whoever we wanted
To share a love that truly connected our lost wandering souls
But I know a universe exists
Where we love in a home untainted
By reality and bitter woes of tales we never want told
And I can go to sleep happy knowing a place for us exists
In a different world parallel to the one we know
I can always be in love with the memory
Finding buried pictures and poems of you that only exist for me
Your photogenic smile tattooed on my heart
So it will always bleed for you now we're apart
I'll never forget an anniversary
One of post-mortem that is meant to be.

~george ray
  

Parallel lives seem so close yet cannot coexist....

Parallel lives seem so close yet cannot coexist

If I told you that I love you
Without ever knowing your name
Would you hold onto my hand
Knowing everything could not be the same
We seem to walk side by side
Sharing no more than a smile, a quiet glance, a longing gaze
I want to be everywhere you are
But I am so distant and far away
Every time I see you my heart melts and breaks
As I am forced into my own personal dismay
Because how could you see me in such warm regard
How I have fallen so fast to your entire presence thrusts my life into unbarring serenity
I want to taste and swim into the warmness of your heart
I hesitate because it is a dream I cannot believe
Because I am soiled with grief
A grief that I am always the abandoned
Dropped off on a desert road as my father drove away
Barren as a Mother with no biological children
To experience your touch would have me die happy
To be enwrapped in your skin would send me to heaven
But as an angel can never love a scolded hells beast
I am buried beneath my silence
Never to walk up and speak my heart's truth
We live parallel lives that walk so close
Yet cannot coexist together
As you pass by I am in suffering self-loathing delusions

~george ray