inside the walls....part 1

inside the walls part 1

I feel cold and see dark around me

I don't have any means for sympathy

There is nothing more to feel 

But regret of an aborted reject 

I am tired of faking emotions

To people who are no longer real 

They just smile and greet in fake kindness

I drifted from them, out to sea, many lives ago 

Only to be bewildered by their presence once a year

One day

Following a script of words we said 

The nostalgia feelings still linger

Echo in the memory 

But things become rearranged 

Contrived into absurd fantasy 

I cannot have the normal life 

The success and character of good deeds 

I come back into the reality strife 

One where everyone leaves

They float back and resurface

But I keep them out 

Residing inside these walls 

Everything surrounds in silence as I scream out loud 

~george ray

Parting gift....

Parting gift

Here is my parting gift
Placed in decapitated arms that once
Wrapped around you like a necklace
Sitting outside the door
You said was forever closed
Only to reopen and attack so willingly
You cannot decide where you're going
Cannot escape your love without hate
So you leave yourself to never knowing
Keeping me in the middle to procrastinate
You scold me like a monster, like a beast
A grotesque disgusting figure
Burn me in your flames of regret and mistake
Yelling your voice of censor
Tear me down in your insecure perception
Persecute me with your judgements
I only knew you in chaotic isolation
Committed suicide with us, falling in pavement
So you cut yourself with scissors
Corner yourself with so many ruthless predators
I will never be there to save you
With the absence of over privileged friends
There is nothing more to do
You will never feel my skin
My breath or my touch again
The one you always begged to feel
The tongue that made your pleasure
It is long gone
Your ghost is dead
I have no more words to speak to you
May you always have this parting gift....

~george ray

Hole Heart

Hole Heart 

There's a hole in my heart

A hole that you shot 

With neglectful distance 

And no real reasoning 

If I lose you is nonsense

How can I stop from happening

Depart in silence

Brings on a mental violence

Of self unassured paranoid doubt 

Crying out to you in a voice that is not loud 

Why are we connected in one moment 

Only to be amputated in isolation

Am I in rational thought

Or emotionally impaired 

Your voice is shriveled and unheard

And I don't even remember the last word

As you embraced me in your arms 

Kissing so sweet and tenderly 

I never thought what was the harm 

On falling in love with absolute insanity

~george ray

So That You'll Understand

So That You'll Understand

So that you'll understand
I never conceived an evil master plan
To break each other bruised and fractured bone
To throw ourselves out of love, in isolation so alone
You will never know how much you meant
You couldn't see in all the time we spent
There was always a problem, an issue to see in eye's view
We used our words like bulging fists escalating in hate
Acting as if there was nothing to lose
A wall of distance and resentment seemed like our only fate
You hated that you loved me
I hated at how you injected so much misery
I chased after you as you ran away so many times
That I chose betrayal over patience as I crossed unforgivable lines
I am addicted to emotional connection of close intimacy
Even though I was allowed in, looked down upon with much pity
I was a lost little boy at your first glance
You touched my skin and my soul and showed me how to dance
Move away from the shy nervousness to confidence as a man
You accuse my ego of imploding my sensibility  
My narcissism has breached our decaying love in psychotic insanity
But my anger lashing onto you is my only defense
Over time you have showed too much disrespect in anxious suspense
All your harsh words onto me and yourself has made you into
A monster so cruel, hideous and repressed only capable of abuse
I had to hide in every dark place that I could find
Consume myself in the drugs, the drinking, the self loathsome substance of my mind
But this is not a failure, a regret
We should not deny, lie or forget
Once we were everything to each other
So bonded in mind, body and soul never to think of another
But it was not an everlasting true love journey for us to make
It was to take us through the loneliness pain of struggle
As we learned the things love has no use or time to live in a dream
Feeling tied up and useless not being able to hear each other through a restrained muzzle
Amputating a lost touch as we watch with teary eyes as our broken bond flows from us in a stream
Letting go and feeling free of post heartbreak obligations, now you can understand
I did everything within my energy that I could, for all I am just a man....

~george ray
 

Happy Birthday VVO

Happy Birthday VVO

All my life I wanted a love who would stay
Not question nor haste
Have true intentions and lay
By my side and never let time waste
But you have lifted me up
With your falsetto smile
Only to drop the strings you cut
As I existed in my loving denial
You stole what you took
A heart that internally bleeds
Yours was a thieving love, a cowardly crook
 Promises of bonding was merely a twisted fantasy
In your 24th year you've only gotten better in your manipulation
Overtaking my fears with sweet nothings in your voice
As I created a version of you in my imagination
Your true colors use and abuse me that you decided in your choice
Valerie came to me only to say goodbye
As our truths and fears surfaced through the tears in both our eyes
You let me in your emotional door
Only to travel distance from our connection
I held any relic I had, always wanting more
As you held back left me in the rain drowning my feelings in rejection
But now what is done is done
There is nothing left to say
At time we had our fun
Now I leave this post parting gift to you
Happy Birthday!

~george ray