7.) Can I crawl through the hole that you buried me in?

7.) Can I crawl through the hole that you buried me in?

I hear the rhythm of my heartbeat, tapping through my chest
The constant race of lingering thoughts, conspire to unravel me
The wind echoes your haunting voice, too muffled to hear 
You eclipsed the rain onto our stillborn love, laid bare
Forever withered in decay, beneath a monument
One that you refuse to lament 
You dug the hole through the dirt
Left me still as I drown into this tomb
Underneath the ground, no one can hear a sound 
So far beneath buried, it collapsed 
Beneath this shell is infinite silence and sorrow 
That grieves but does not dare to whimper or shout
I become an animal, I take shelter in this void
I am the primal beast, I always lay awake 
Eyes on the surface, I contemplate my move
As your ghost stands up above, I await your approval
Your gesture of a curved finger, signaling me
But your ghost is just an image, etched from memory 
Can you free me from this self-fulfilled prophecy? 
One that I knew would cause you to abandon
Or will I lay waste, keeping this tomb warm
Waiting unrequited for you to never return....

~george ray




    
 

6.) The Headless Housewife of Monotony....

6.) The Headless Housewife of Monotony 

Pulling strings
Unconscious flings
Can you sing me 
Into another dream
Rainbow room
Of doom and gloom
Could I be the silver lining
Penetrating your gray storm clouds
I was your carnival sideshow
Lustful secret freak
Popping your wild cherries
Before you fell back into monotony
Now you play suburban house wife
Under his spell, he clenches your little throat
Snapping it like a headless chicken
Running around in disillusionment 
Squawking doubts of insecurity
Blame your tribulations on surroundings 
But will you find a new farm to escape
And fly free from the cage you weigh your scapegoats on....

~georgetowne ray 

5.) Dear Marian....

I am consumed with devastation

Your image lingers in my mind

I am trapped underneath this tragic heartbreak

A sinking ship suffocates me last breath

I whisper your name, "Marian, Marian" as the water crushes my lungs to death

A never ending death

I replay the sweet surrendering glimpse of light

Your smile and euphoric green eyes made me pleasantly paralyzed

You are the sun that shined

Now I am torn into the black sphere of darkness

Lost and wandered in total disillusion under a starless night

I reach out my arms as my fingers crawl

But your voice disappears and becomes more silent

I have become deaf to the tragic circumstances

I want to run after you

I want to slash my wrists to take away your despair

But I have fallen too far down I cannot reach you

I wave my fists into the ground

Interlocking my fingers through dirt

I cry and I scream and I want to die

Love has been ripped from me

I cannot fight

I cannot breathe

Unable to cope or comprehend

The last soldier on the field grieving a brutal end

You are gone and you will not hear me

I kneel and make my plea

I want to save you

I want to heal you

You were the calming force

That surrendered this manic soul

Now a withering corpse

Shedding a tear from every memory

I save all your words and the times you stared at me

A thousands pills of sedation

Will not rest my battered heart

I went in with only pure intentions

But I am a wreckage

Falling endlessly into my bottomless pit of guilt and grief

I will dream of you

In all my intoxicating nightmares

I have nothing left to hold onto....

~georgetowne ray

~losing you is the worst feeling ever experienced~

~109daysofalovenowfades~

~12/14/15-3/31/16~

4.) Drift

4.) Drift

My eyes are crippling
My mind agonizing
Praying for peace as I fall asleep
An indulgence for mercy of death
Would forego berating suffering
I only saw your face behind the mask
As you would drift to sleep
The game of falling in love
The drug that put me under
A magic trick slipped into the drink you were pouring
A spell I fell, from gullible prince to bitter toad
You the wicked insufferable witch
Wrapped in persona of a Cinderella disguise
Tangled through your soft skin
Burned invisible webs through my body
I can still feel the fire
A deserting love's scorn
Fueled within an empty vessel
Consumed only with confusion
My attempts to close in
With futile spears, failing to penetrate
Through the famine appetite of your cynical heart
Forever dissatisfied
Polar opposite to my desire of intense intimate attachment
Pushes as I drift, drift, drift away
Dissolved into abstraction of crushed pieces
You can try to mold me into your emotional crutch
But you can never again pick me apart.

~georgetowne ray

3.) Cowardice

3.) Cowardice

Hide in your trenched facade
Superficial mask suites your face
Your sinister smile, draws their attention
From your crooked eyed glaze
Right before you break them
It's a sense of power you generate
Isolated underneath your cowardice 
Drawing intelligence from ignorance
Spoken through a soap box of stubborness
Arrogance is your best defense
Living by the gospel of your right shouldered devil
With every mark you make on your bedpost 
Is a broken hearted boy you've deceived 
Through a chain reaction of the men that ravaged you toward emptiness    
Like every white line that you snort 
To forget about your bitter existence.

~george ray
 

2.) What I'll Miss the Most....

2.) What I'll Miss the Most....

Devastation
The bubble bursts
Our eyes opened
This dream disbursed
Love faded away
Yet we remained
A deranged psycho happy lullaby
Lulled me to sleep
Descent into nightmares of agony
Where her voice still creeps
A torturous melody in my head
Cannot drown out the noise with toxic addictions
Pills cannot cope, is a bullet remedy the only prescription? 
Smash my head into a brick wall
Inject Novocaine so I won't feel at all
Paralyze me with heroin
Make my stomach so sick so I'll never want to love again
The marks have been slashed into this battered abused heart
Little slits, disguised as the kiss
Sealed the light that blinded my eyes
Consumed int stone, by the glow of her seduction
Her touch so soft and tender
Crawls through my skin like spider legs
Whispering her false intentions that inspired hope
Bred deep into me as stillborn eggs
Pull me down toward cynical sorrow
Drag me from her escapes into self-destruction
She cries out
As I was thrown from her web
Rolling into a chrysalis
Deteriorating from irrational reason
Her constant desire, sailing to a constellation of lost control
Beyond the reach of self repair
Descent into madness of premeditated abuse
I lie in a pool of my own bitter tears
And what I'll always miss the most
Were the moments that I fell into her false heart
Transpired through distance
So far away as she felt so close....

~george ray

1.) Cruelty

1.) Cruelty

Oh what a woman was she
The sound of her name ravishes 
Poison to my ears
In all her glorified cruelty 
A travesty smile
Thin as slit wrists
My blood evaporated through her sinister kiss
She grazes her fingers against my skin 
Seething through gentle manipulation 
The exterior crafted in faded gold
Lassoing lonely fools 
To the nubile innocence that she portrays
In her words, love is not a promise
Only words to feed into insane spontaneous delusions
The high descends down
Melting away the waxed mask of superficial bliss
Into abusing self-inflicting contusions 
The tight rope marked abrasions around my forearms 
Amputates my heart on sleeve 
Engulfed inferno, doused in gasoline
Burned into self-sabotaged, sacrificial protest  
My remains dragged through the dirt 
Shatter my skull, bashing through penetrated rock 
Greeted with a smile
Parted by a bullet in my chest
Say you can't live without me
As you drain yourself in regret 
Lost in your isolation of obscured identity
Our bond torn apart into scattered vulnerability
This sensitive boy shattered to the floor
Into microscopic shards of a man you claimed to adore
Let go of the glass of wine I poured
Shot down into the dusk, dissolved by your cruelty. 

~george ray

#30daymendofmyshatteredheart