Good Grief Girls/Broken Blue Boys part one

Good Grief Girls/Broken Blue Boys part one

What is your secret Good Grief Girls?
That is punished and plagued by the Broken Blue Boys
Winding us up for their spinning twirl
Then wind empty as their thrown away toys
You penetrated my vulnerability
Sewed yourself deep inside my skin
You tortured, got away with murder so swiftly
And you will never ask me to forgive
So you kill the heart of me as you kill yourself
I cannot stop you, I have no will
As we self-destruct of everything we felt
Shoot the bullet, cut me deep, make me swallow every pill
Strangle me with your passive petty resentment
Knock me down from where I stand on this emotional crutch
Smile as you target me with dishonest intentions
As I lay defenseless under your euphoric touch
Now you cut me open from the inside
Throw me into your tsunami tides
I know you love to see me break
And girls don't want broken boys
But love to break them to fill their void.

~george ray

rinse and repeat....

I am going to be alight
I am going to get through this night
When disappointment reigns
With nothing to gain
I try to sit in peaceful composure
Without a thought
Without a reason
I reject the negativity of my tension
Without hesitation
I will smile
Without regret
I will carry someone in my heart
Even if it won't work out
Even against my paranoid doubt
I am still alive
I am here today
Even in isolation I will stay
Storms come and pass
Even if romance never lasts
There is always something new to be thankful for
There is always being close to you....

~george ray

just be....

When you touch me I'm defenseless
You smile through my vulnerability fence
You take it down and make me lose myself
Only to retreat as I fall into self abusiveness
Stab me in the heart so I know you're close
Feed me your lies inside my ears so I can rest assure
You're the only thing I have my only dose
To lay in ignorant bliss of your loneliness cure
I don't want a taste
I don't want to forget your face
But you have entrapped me in a self-loathing paranoid panic
Everything is background noise and static
Just love me
Just stay
Just tell me what I want to hear
Say you'll just be
My everything....

~george ray

fled from my bed....

Once in my bed, now in a memory.
One that has thrown myself into certain misery. 
For a brief moment I was wrapped in your sunshine ecstacy. 
Now I search and you're no where near me.
I want to find.

I want to wrap myself in you and intertwine.
Into a new stage of perceptual bliss.
You made me melt at first kiss.
And when our skin on skin and bodies sequenized souls.
For a moment I felt your warmth.
Only to be taken away and sent to dark dimensions.
Like an addict I crawl, cry and scream to be stuck in this rejection.
I just need to feel you one moment more.
Because I just can't shake you off, you're the only one I want to adore....

~george ray

happiness is addiction....

We all crave it. We all need it, and when it fades, when people go astray from our lives, our inner circles, we look for the closest fix to find in someone or something. Some people like solitude, I never found much use for it. Some people like to be alone, but when you've grown up in 85% solitude your whole life, with semi-close relationships coming and going so frequently it's hard to find steady emotional ground. Those times, when you're alone, when you just need someone to hold and reach out to, that's when you feed for it the most. I have had many addictions or you could call them obsessions easily as well, but my main kick, my main thrill is being happy. Happiness is a drug, you get it from the cheap thrills with friends getting drunk into a new reality. You lie and manipulate your way into some girls intimacy, you jerk your mind off into oblivious imagination pretending in your own little world that you're something better, that you're feeling something better. But when you crash, when you get down from those highs everything comes down. You can barely focus or function on a steady emotional level, you just want to cry in some strangers arms. You want to say "look at me, look at me!" You want attention, you change your style, change your hair, smile more, be more outgoing, but the loneliness still lingers and not even the worst acid trip can compare to that harsh reality. You talk to yourself when no one's around, telling yourself good things about you. It helps, it keeps things steady but only in preparation for the next cycle or shear disappointment and failure. You chase a girl around, try to get her number, try to get her ultimate attention. Sometimes it's nice not to focus on yourself. And you try to change in every way. Cutting deep and cutting out all the things you hate about yourself until there's nothing left inside. The happiness blossoms at first and goes big and it goes fast. Then you secretly resent her, feeling you had to change just to get close to her not even trusting in your own faith to be yourself. The more we try to change the more it ripples us back into our old selves. Your real self.  Then you find ways to make her resent you because you can't let her in through all of the walls. But you can play it any way you want. You can sustain to as much happiness there is left until it is an empty shell. Both play the waiting game to see who will leave first. With all the screaming and the fighting you finally find a way to depart from that resentment. Then you go onto the next fix, the next thrill of meeting someone for another 2 months of happiness. We don't like to admit it, but we all do it. Some move around faster than others. Some of us sulk in desperation, willing to do anything or be anyone to get that next high of happiness. Until the next fix....

~george ray